Women's Stories

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She came to the United States when she was 13 and preferred to hang on the corners with the gangs rather than help her stepmother mind the children. Zulay was physically and sexually abused by her uncle, abandoned by her stepmother, never knew her father and was separated from her stepfather. She listed drinking as a problem.

Her goal for the workshop was to

grow mentally and know what Zulay need for the best and how to let my self go to my goal without prior excuse to myself.

Zulay has a very lovely face and a smile that doesn’t stop. As she said in her story about her tree:

My tree represents me because I’m full of life. I have a lot to offer and from the outside you can see I’m a happy, smiling tree. But, on the inside is just a lot of sad and bad memories that I have survived and am still surviving.

My tree doesn’t have any fruits, yet! But, I know when the winter is gone, I’ll start growing plenty of fruits and on the inside, I’ll be living in the summertime like my tree on the outside is living in summertime.

She described herself very accurately when she wrote I’m full of life and we were all very fond of her. It was a shock in the fifth session when Brigette came in to announce that Zulay was in keep-lock for six months for allegedly striking an officer. Imagining someone so full of life in isolation for 23 hours a day for six months was very difficult to handle. T

Two weeks later a smiling face appeared at the door and Zulay entered the room. She had had a hearing and was released from keep-lock. She said that when she was sent to lock, her first thought was that she would not be getting a certificate from the workshop since she wouldn’t be able to come to any more classes.

As she wrote in her story:

But then I smiled and said, “Anyway, I got the best and I got what I needed”, meaning, I learned what I was thinking I already knew and I did not until now. I learned a lot.

She has been incarcerated since she was 16 years old, yet she could smile in the face of six months in lock when she realized that “graduating” from a program is not what is important. Learning something you didn’t know, yet need to know is what is important. Zulay was proud of herself for understanding that she had already “graduated” by realizing that she has gifts and strengths.

RHONDA’S STORY

In the workshop ‘The Tree that Survived the Winter’, the women write about what they have survived.

Despite years of selling and using drugs, it was her first arrest. Child Protective Services had taken her children. She was facing years in a federal penitentiary. And she was pregnant. Brown fell into total despair. So when she appeared in court for a pretrial hearing and was asked if she could stay off drugs until her sentencing a few months later, she replied, “I don’t know.”

What Daphne didn’t share was that she had already decided that, with nothing left to lose, she would spend her last months of freedom high. The judge told her that he would place her in lockup until her sentencing if she couldn’t promise to stay clean. Shaken, Brown agreed to attend drug rehabilitation. There, a counselor recommended Step by Step’s support group, which she attended every week. She made every scheduled visitation with her children. And through Step by Step, she came to realize that the abusive relationship she had been involved in was tearing her down. “They gave me hope that re-entering the community was possible,” says Brown of Step-by-Step. The judge was so impressed with her solid effort that instead of sentencing her to 18-to-24 months in a federal penitentiary, he ordered Daphne to live in supportive housing operated by the YWCA of Greater Rochester. Daphne’s relationship with Step by Step continued. She attended the organization’s family events, where she learned how to enjoy playing with her five children. “I had always hated to do arts and crafts with my children, but I found myself becoming involved with what they were doing.”

At Step by Step’s retreats, Daphne grew to know and like herself. “I didn’t know about recovery or spirituality. The retreats also helped me reconnect with God,” she says. From the other women, Daphne learned that we all make mistakes—what matters is learning from them. Daphne, now 42, has not only reclaimed her children and stayed drug-free, but is a powerful role model to other women. She is program coordinator for a non-profit organization called Parent to Parent, where she works with families involved with Child Protective Services. “I help them get the skills they need to provide a safe environment for their children.” She is also a board member of Women Empowering Women, which helps women being released from jail attain self-sufficiency. Brown is a busy woman, raising her children and attending the State University of New York at Brockport, where she is in her senior year, studying business administration. But she cannot forget how others reached out to her when she needed it most. And she feels the pull to do the same for other women addicts. “A lot of people believed in me,” she says. “People need to know they have so much ability outside their negative behavior.”

228 South Plymouth Avenue

Rochester, NY 14608

Phone (585) 224-0763

Fax (585) 288-8026

info@stepbysteprochester.org

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WOMEN’S STORIES

ZULAY’S STORY

Zulay, incarcerated at the age of 16, was in our Albion Wednesday evening class. When they each told something about themselves that first night, we were all shocked to hear Zulay say that she is 20 years old and has been at Albion for four years.

In one session they draw a tree that represents themselves and then put different colored dots on the tree for the various traumas in their families: substance abuse, sexual abuse, mental illness, incarceration, etc.

Rhonda: I wish my family was like my green tree when I was growing up, full of sunshine and love and everybody reaching out to each other like the leaves on my tree. Giving each other support and caring with concern when it rains. It was none of that in my family. No where to go. No one to turn to. Where were you when I needed you? With all the evictions and all split up. Now I am the trunk of my tree holding it up strong. Having faith and providing lots of nutrients. To keep it fully green. For my family. So we can all hold on tight.

Rhonda: At the At the age of thirteen I run away from home because I couldn’t take anymore of the abuse from my mother. I survived living in hotels. One was really infested with mice. I also survived living with different friends of my mother’s. After all the evictions me and my family went through, being on the street at that age, sleeping in cars, no where to go, I really had to survive.

Then someone told me about this place called ‘Under 21’. I had to make ends meet to put clothing on my back. Sometimes I had to steal and sometimes I got a job to survive. As I got older, I started living in women’s shelters. There I knew I had to keep my head up to survive women fighting and stealing all the time. I had to protect me. I even had to survive those lonely cold nights being on the streets when the shelter run out of bed spaces.

YOU GAVE ME HOPE - DAPHNE’S STORY

By Donna Jackel

Daphne Brown had been doing drugs for 21 years when police raided her Rochester home in 2000. She was 35. During the raid, police uncovered an illegal gun, a federal crime under revised gun laws.